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Category: Relationship Advice

If You Betray Me I Have to See You Differently

If You Betray Me I Have to See You Differently

Your full trust does not come back when you’ve been betrayed in a relationship. If you’ve been cheated on, left or lied to constantly you will be able to forgive, but never forget. Well, we should not forget because we have to see the betrayer differently. Forgive and Forget? Let’s say that you forgive and forget and you don’t allow yourself to see your betrayer differently. You’ll tell yourself that they have changed or that they won’t ever do that…

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Having a Career & A Love Life

Having a Career & A Love Life

  Usually my articles have had some references to literature of some sort. This isn’t that type of article. Here I’m just talking from me, saying anything, with the guidance of making my experiences useful for you. Or at least thought provoking and challenging. A lot of us exist and experience this world feeling unknown, confused and un-understandable. Where people believe that our dreams are empty. I get it, that sucks. So, sucky adventure time it is. I was conversing…

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Fear: Destroyer of Love

Fear: Destroyer of Love

Our insecurities can passively destroy our relationships or actively destroy them. Today, we’re going to explore how both work to destroy a relationship. The number one killer of relationships I’ve seen that isn’t spoken about is when our insecurities are so strong that we isolate our lovers from their friends. This is different from the vicious act of isolating someone that we can see in physically abusive relationships, but it does the same thing. What am I talking about right?…

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Attraction: Being the Lover the Lover You Want Will Want

Attraction: Being the Lover the Lover You Want Will Want

When people find out I’m a Modern Psychoanalytical Relationship Specialist the first question I’m asked is some variation of, “Why do I always fall in love with the wrong type of person?” I’ve always been so focused on understanding how to make a good relationship last a life time that I’ve neglected to explore what attracts one person to another in a more meaningful way. The first thing I tell them is that they’re not falling in love. That’s always…

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Absence of Sex: Lover’s Unconscious Agreement

Absence of Sex: Lover’s Unconscious Agreement

                  Shelby and Roger I had a couple come in because of the lack of sex in their relationship. They both sat on the couch, Shelby sitting up strait and angry with Robert looking annoyed, sunken into the couch. “He won’t have sex with me unless I’m on my period and I refuse to. It’s not comfortable then and it just causes a mess. When I’m ready any other time he just…

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Orgasms: Important Unconscious Meanings

Orgasms: Important Unconscious Meanings

I received many questions and comments about my last article on Izzy’s orgasm. Izzy stated that since she had her first orgasm with Rufus, she knew he was the one for her. I was told that the idea was ridiculous because orgasms come just from physical stimulation. Is that so? Reading back, I realized I didn’t really explain how orgasms can be understood as a measure of good intimacy neurologically or psychoanalytically. In the next few articles I’m going to…

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Marriage Proposal to Orgasm. Are They the Right Lover?

Marriage Proposal to Orgasm. Are They the Right Lover?

Izzy’s Orgasm Izzy had been talking for months about her upbringing and all the residues of events in her early childhood she could see working in her current life. As if unintentionally falling out from her lips she blurted out, “I can’t believe I got married at 18.” It was curious that I had not thought much about that between Rufus and Izzy. The way they told their story…it sounded natural. Natural, magical, these were all words used by both…

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How We Attach to Our Lover

How We Attach to Our Lover

Rufus & Izzy in Love Rufus was an “oops” baby he explained in one of our last couple’s session. The youngest of 13 kids, the closest sibling 15 years older than him. “I was a strange single child since all my brothers and sisters were so much older than me. I mean I have nieces and nephews that are older than me. It’s all jumbled up, but it’s not a big stress. I didn’t really know any of them. They…

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How Good Love Starts

How Good Love Starts

Good Love starts with good unconscious attraction. How does this unconscious attraction happen? I remember a client of mine, Rufus, who found himself discovering the unconscious workings of the attraction in his relationship decades after his marriage. Throughout his analysis he learned how that unconscious attraction worked which helped him save his marriage from shattering. Izzy & Rufus “I remember my wife and I in High School. She was sweet and wild and I was empathetic and reserved and we…

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Loving Yourself After Cheating

Loving Yourself After Cheating

I’ve found a lack of understanding cheaters with perpetuated blind notions of, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” That quote comes from vengeance, a poison of understanding relationships & the fallen lover. Cheating is messed up, no doubt, but something to understand so healing can happen for the one who stepped out of the relationship, not just the cheated on. There are a lot of reasons cheating happens. It ranges from a selfish narcissist’s need to dominate multiple partners sexually…

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