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Category: You as a High Value Lover

How To Fall In Love & Love Deeply

How To Fall In Love & Love Deeply

  How To Fall in Love & Love Deeply These are special thoughts that came to me while leading a group in Orlando. I was asked by the group members, “What is The Thing they have to do to make love last.” I was so caught up in the question trying to figure out what is that one thing we need to do, and I remembered my training as a psychoanalyst. I let myself realize I was being induced by…

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7 Ways To Build a Better Night’s Sleep

7 Ways To Build a Better Night’s Sleep

What’s going on everyone. Today we’re going to be talking about sleep, how sleep works and what you need to do to get a better night of sleep every night of your life. If you like what you learn here join my Facebook Group if you want to have instant access to me daily, and if you’re in the Orlando area and want to work with me in my office or want to work with me remotely if you’re anywhere…

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Where Is My Relationship Going? Finding The Good Life

Where Is My Relationship Going? Finding The Good Life

We all want the good life. We are sold many different types of good lives. I hope this book The Good Life. Psychoanalytic Reflections on Love, Ethics, Creativity, and Spirituality by Jeffery B. Rubin helps us understand how to find the good life instead of just selling us another version of it. “A life of perversity is sterile, devitalized, and impoverished. One remains alienated from other people, who one tries to control, have power over, and silence. Intimacy cannot grow…

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How Marital Arguing Shortens Men’s Lives Part 2

How Marital Arguing Shortens Men’s Lives Part 2

Men, when you’re having an argument or in a fight with your spouse, it’s going to take you longer to calm down than a woman on average just because of biology. This means that you have to be responsible for your feelings and what you do while you’re trying to calm down. One of the major destructive actions men take is to repeat negative thoughts in their minds during and after an argument for an extended period of time. “She’s…

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How Marital Arguing Shortens Men’s Lives Part 1

How Marital Arguing Shortens Men’s Lives Part 1

There’s this idea that men don’t feel feelings, have feelings or express feelings. This idea comes from the non-critical thinking observer who project onto men what they want without actually trying to understand what is going on with men. It’s easier to dehumanize men if you keep telling everyone they don’t feel since if you don’t feel you’re obviously sub-human. Here is the research though. When men are in an argument, men go through more physical pain from that emotional…

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Why You Must Be The Moral Center of Your Relationship

Why You Must Be The Moral Center of Your Relationship

  Everyone takes Jordan Peterson’s talks and makes them political. It’s the easiest thing to do because everyone does it. But, regardless of what you think of him, how can Dr. Jordan Peterson’s critical thinking and thoughts create new ways for us to think about novel situations? Especially in our romantic relationships? This is The Jordan Peterson Analysis. Where we take clips of Jordan Peterson’s lectures and see how we can make them work for us in our romantic relationships….

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Leaving Your Toxic Relationship

Leaving Your Toxic Relationship

Toxic relationships don’t exist just because of the “other” person in the relationship most of the time. It’s often the case that you don’t have enough time, energy, mature personality or willpower to deal with the many small problems that have been allowed to accumulate in the relationship. A pond becomes toxic one drop at a time. Sometimes only one toxic drip drops in, and other times an overwhelming amount drops in at once. Toxic relationships will too often look…

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Curing Why You Are Not Sexually Attracted to Who You Love: Psychoanalysis

Curing Why You Are Not Sexually Attracted to Who You Love: Psychoanalysis

Let me just give you the bad news up-front. The good news is at the end. You aren’t consciously free in your search for who you love. This is because you automatically go out and re-find in a new lover what you had in an old lover. Have you dated the same loser over and over again? Have you dated that some person who just takes and takes and doesn’t really care about you? That’s not an accident. You’ve done…

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Why You Won’t Ask for Sex The Right Way

Why You Won’t Ask for Sex The Right Way

1. You will not ask for what you need in a relationship because you don’t know what you want. Sydney, a young intellect, came to my office because her sex life was not providing the results she desired. Sydney: “You know Mr. Ayala. My intellect tells me that since we have had the sexual revolution decades ago sex would be easy for women. We would get the sex that we want in the relationships we work hard in. But it…

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Why Who Initiates Sex Matters

Why Who Initiates Sex Matters

There is this painful topic that matters so much, but it’s not ever talked about in a way that you can bring to your bed. That Painful Moment You’re lying in bed at night next to your lover.  The day is over, there are many things to do tomorrow, but tomorrow is hours and a sunrise away. Co-workers and people in your life are the worst. They give you lots of problems, treat you poorly and you feel unappreciated by…

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