Relationship Advice

If You Betray Me I Have to See You Differently

Forgiveness does not have anything to do with trust

Your full trust does not come back when you’ve been betrayed in a relationship. If you’ve been cheated on, left or lied to constantly you will be able to forgive, but never forget. Well, we should not forget because we have to see the betrayer differently.

Forgive and Forget?

Let’s say that you forgive and forget and you don’t allow yourself to see your betrayer differently. You’ll tell yourself that they have changed or that they won’t ever do that again. Let us even say that they have changed and they will never betray you again (which you cannot guarantee ever).

It doesn’t matter because forgiveness does not have anything to do with trust. To forgive someone is to not have destructive, spiteful or resentful feelings for them anymore.

To trust someone again is to have the ability to actually have current fantasies about your future life together with all your current knowledge of who they are…betrayal and all.

Ask Yourself…

Can you imagine having the life you desire with the person who has betrayed you in such a deep way that they have broken your trust?

Can you imagine having the life you desire with the person who cheated on you, left you, ran away with your kids or lied to you?

Why can you or Why can you not?

When you are betrayed by your lover you have to see them differently.

“How was I such a fool letting the person so close to me betray me?”

Before the relationship ever began, you had this desire of how you wanted to be treated, what your relationship would look like and how the relationship would play out. Then in your relationship, you saw in your lover the qualities which would make your desires come true.

Your trust being broken is so painful because what you desire is not happening and who you wished your lover was to be was not true.

This will spiral you into rage and depression because you then have to question

  1. Who your lover really is
  2. And more painfully, you have to question if your desires for yourself put you in harm’s way.

“How was I such a fool letting the person so close to me betray me?”

You were fooled. You can want what you desire so badly that you will overlook red flags in a relationship. You will stay in relationships you never should have stayed in. You will have kids with those we never should have. You will marry a person who is destructive for you.

I Was Fooled. What do I Do Now?

You’ll be scared to peruse happiness because it will come at the price of your current comfort.

This means you have to do two things.

  1. Adjust your desires and plans.
  2. Adjust your perception of yourself.

You have to explore how someone so close to you betrayed you. This is one of the most painful realizations we have to explore because we have to take responsibilities for our destiny. Do not mistake this as taking responsibility for their betrayal. They betrayed you and that is their issue to handle and not something you made them do.

When you start to take account and responsibility for yourself you change your destiny. When you change your destiny you strengthen yourself, your family and your community which makes you a realistic and ideal model for yourself and those around you.

So, adjust your desires. Maybe there is no such person as the perfect person who is the right height, who has the right looks, who has the right career and who will do all the right things you want when you want them to.

  1. Figure out what you really value in your life.
  2. Understand what is and isn’t acceptable.
  3. Question why those values are and are not acceptable to make sure that your desires aren’t working against you…as they have before.

Then understand more about yourself.

  1. Are you the kind of person that is doing the kind of things to make your desires come true?
  2. What can you change to make your desires come true?
  3. What can you do more or less of to make your good desires happen?

If you’re in a relationship that is burdened by betrayal, you have to go through this evolutionary process. The betrayer isn’t even part of the process, this is just you and those who support you. You will then find yourself asking the question over and over again,

“Do I stay, or do I go?”

When you’ve taken a grip of destiny, you’ll find the answer that is constructive for your life.

But…most people won’t do this because they’re scared of the answer they will get. You’ll be scared to peruse happiness because it will come at the price of your current comfort.

But why stay in your current comfort of a Toxic Relationship? If you’re curious or want to understand what a Toxic Relationship is my Guide: 14 Differences Between Toxic & Loving Relationships will walk you through the different parts of these kinds of relationships so you can identify what you or one of your loved ones is experiencing so you can Fix Your Fate instead of letting destiny choose for you.



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