You as a High Value Lover

Personal Development Through Creativity: Creating Positive Habits to Become Goal Orientated: The Good Life Review Part 3

I want to share a resisted truth with you up front instead of having you wait to hear it at the end of this video and article. Keep this in mind because this talk is us exploring our way to understanding this truth I’m going to share with you.

The Resisted Truth

What no one wants to realize is that the work you and the analyst do in psychoanalysis is the difference between managing your symptoms and curing the disease.

The problem with curing the disease is that when you make your life better you adopt a lot of responsibility, and it takes much more effort to live in pleasure, satisfaction and responsibility than it does to live stupidly and resentfully in a devitalized life of pain perpetuated by your ever-lasting arrogance.

Creating Positive Habits to Become Goal Orientated

Most of the time we get a list of “things” to do when we are told how to create better habits and become more goal orientated. You’ll be told to do breathing techniques when trying to calm down so you can think clearly, make a calendar to follow or to just replace bad habits with better ones.

The thing is that we have to know how we got stuck in those negative habits to make sure we never repeat them again. We start to learn why we keep pursuing our negative habits through much self-exploration of why we waste so much time in bad habits and not pursuing our goals or why we fall into deep depressions that freeze us up or throw us into tirades of destructive behaviors when we see we are in one of our negative habits.

Psychoanalysis is one of the longest lasting and researched paths in doing this in particular. In essence, psychoanalysis releases your creativity so you can create positive habits that give you the ability to become more goal orientated. Through psychoanalysis, you will be able to repeatedly fall onto your positive habits instead of negative ones so you can reach and create new and positive goals repeatedly.

Let’s define creativity for a moment though because this word can mean many things for many people. I’m using Psychoanalysts Jeffery Rubin’s (2004) definition from his book The Good Life where he states that,

“To be creative is to

  1. Have a receptivity to oneself and the world
  2. A great pleasure in exercising one’s capacities
  3. An internal openness and flexibility
  4. An attraction to novelty
  5. A sensitivity to discrepant perceptions and observations
  6. An alertness to seize new opportunities
  7. The courage to challenge traditions and conventions
  8. The capacity to integrate apparent opposites
  9. And the ability to imagine and devise new approaches to a problem or question by bringing together two previously and segregated frameworks in a new and fruitful way (pp. 16).”

I’m going to break down a few of these meanings of creativity to help us understand what they mean and how they could be meaningful and useful in our lives. Let’s explore what it means to have be receptive to oneself and the world first.

Have a Receptivity to Oneself and the World

Being with someone who will listen to you without trying to give you advice immediately is what will free you to be able to learn to put to language what you are thinking and inwardly experiencing.

This is commonly called being “in tune” with oneself. To be able to use your time better, create positive habits and be more goal orientated you will have to learn how to be receptive to what you are thinking first then what you’re inwardly experiencing. Your thoughts and what you are experiencing are the two things that directly influence how you spend your time, what kind of habits you perpetuate and what kind goals you do or do not pursue.

Let’s say that you want to have a better career, but your thoughts and what you’re inwardly experiencing stresses you out to the point where you freeze up into a depression or ignite into rages and impulsive actions.

Maybe you spend the whole day in bed masturbating to pornography trying to deal with your stress or you drink heavily at the end of the day due to the hopelessness of working another day at your dead-end job to try to relax.

You have to find ways to be receptive to yourself. The moment you want to hit that bottle or open up that untraceable browser to watch whatever sexual fantasy come to mind, sit there and really try to put into words what is being experienced and what is being thought. Try to write it down if that works better for you.

For most of us entering therapy, this personal narrative’s in large part unexamined. The work of the therapist is to bring the story to the light, to help us examine how it has shaped us and how it might be retold.

You can try to do this a few times and it can be unsuccessful. It’s actually more likely that this practice is unsuccessful at first since what you’re trying to cope with is so intolerable that you have to either throw yourself into a depression, drink yourself into nothingness or let yourself loose in impulsive behavior to just deal with it.

This is when you either talk it out with someone you trust or a professional. Being with someone who will listen to you without trying to give you advice immediately is what will free you to be able to learn to put to language what you are thinking and inwardly experiencing.

As American poet Mark Doty put it, “We each operate out of an understanding of who we are and why we act as we do, an understanding based on interpretation of the story of our lives-what we emphasize, what we suppress, how we “read” the tangled lines of motivation and desire that thread through a life. For most of us entering therapy, this personal narrative’s in large part unexamined. The work of the therapist is to bring the story to the light, to help us examine how it has shaped us and how it might be retold. Since our understandings are made of words, becoming self-aware means that we confront our lives as a set of terms (Shinder, 2000 ,pp.1)

Once you have a good enough handle on putting into words what you are thinking and inwardly experiencing in the moments you are about to fall apart or hit that bottle, then you are becoming receptive to yourself. As you become receptive to yourself you can change your inward experiences which induce and influence your thoughts and actions. You will be able to create positive habits and be on the path of becoming the type of person you want to be.

Is just the treatment of the symptoms that freeze you up, influence your bad habits and knock you off of your goals good enough for you and your life?

So, that person who is about to hit that bottle stops, takes a walk outside and goes through the pain of searching through their thoughts and feelings. They realize that they think that just having a few sips will relax them and they will be able to deal with the problems they are having. They then can understand the faulty habit they have. The faulty habit they have is drinking because they think it can help them resolve their problems when it never has before.

Now that they have started to weed out their thoughts, they can explore what they’re inwardly experiencing. They can feel that their chest starts to hurt, they feel as if their blood pressure is rising and are taking short breaths. You can learn some breathing techniques to calm down what you’re experiencing and have some positive thoughts, but it’s difficult to do more than this alone.

To really explore usefully into why these things are happening, which means to treat the disease and not the symptoms, you need to work with someone who will be able to let you dive into those unknown pains. You have to be able to learn how to say everything that comes to your mind, even the things that some irrelevant. In your words you have to change your brain, change your neural pathways in ways that change how you function.

Is just the treatment of the symptoms that freeze you up, influence your bad habits and knock you off of your goals good enough for you and your life?

I invite you to come in and work with me. We can learn breathing relaxation techniques and the such if that’s needed for temporary relief. But, what we will do and invest the time into is you becoming receptive to yourself through being able to say anything and discover the painful thoughts and expressions within yourself that are wrecking your life so these bad habits and symptoms can be resolved and replaced with constructive habits so they cannot pop up later. You can’t just write down plans, breath, think your way to your goals.

This work in psychoanalysis is the difference between managing your symptoms and curing the disease.

The problem with curing the disease is that when you make your life better you adopt a lot of responsibility, and it takes much more effort to live in pleasure, satisfaction and responsibility than it does to live stupidly and resentfully in a devitalized life of pain perpetuated by your ever-lasting arrogance.

Not sure what to do or think about what you’re feeling? If you’re curious to know more about how to create positive habits in a relationship here is my Guide: 14 Differences Between Toxic & Loving Relationships. This will walk you through the different parts of these kinds of relationships so you can identify what kind of relationship you are in so you can see if you can create positive habits in this relationship or need to take different action.

And if you’re interested, become a Patreon to get exclusive content that never reaches my blog or youtube, all my content earlier than it gets to the public and exclusive time with me!
References

Rubin, J. B. (2004). Good Life: Psychoanalytic Reflections on Love, Ethics, Creativity, and Spirituality. State University of New York Press.

Shinder, J. (2000). Tales from the couch: Writers on therapy. New York: Morrow.

 

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