I could tell you what to do, and be right about it, but you wouldn’t do it. Why should you?
Those who tell you what to do too quickly feel that you’re a burden and want you to just go away or they’re just being snob nose jerks who pity you. When someone pity’s you they don’t receive any good feels that something happened to you but are gladder it didn’t happen to them. Empathy is when you can fully experience the tragedy the other person is experiencing.
Empathy isn’t enough though. How can an analyst be helpful to you if they’re just experiencing the pain and suffering you are with you? They wouldn’t be.
You need Transference. Transference are the feelings and ideas that go back and forth between you and your analyst which can then be explored so change can happen in your life. The analyst starts off the analysis by telling you to say anything and the two of you are off to explore, uncover and understand every evolving aspect of yourself so you can make constructive changes. This is why people are and have been afraid of psychoanalysis since it came around. We have much to hide and keep secret. But, the only way to change is to discover what’s in the darkness.
Adam Ayala is a Modern Psychoanalytical Relationship Specialist with a private practice in Orlando, Florida and Brookline, MA and is weekly featured on the online relationship magazine YourTango.com. Mr. Ayala can also be Contacted if you’re interested in working or collaborating with him.