Self-esteem is a pop word that isn’t always helpful. It’s confusing understanding what the word even means anymore since it’s used everywhere to mean so many different things while all those people incept the word with different values and assumptions. What is self-esteem? How can you use your understanding of self-esteem in your life in a way that is valuable and curative?
Self-esteem creates self-respect because of the feelings and thoughts of your self-worth. When we feel good about ourselves, we have self-esteem and self-respect and act in ways to nurture those good feelings and self-respect.
When we’ve been obliterated by an infidelity or major relationship fracture, the self-worth we once had doesn’t exist and self-esteem and self-respect, and all the actions that flow from them, don’t function. Rebuilding self-esteem while in pain happens when we understand that we are to feel good about and have self-worth about our potential and progressive work towards self-respect, not the current state we’re in. Understand the place you’re in, the struggle you’re undertaking, and gain self-worth in your battle to gain your life back. It’s about the future you, not the now you.
Understand self-esteem as a progressive action of who you are working to be instead of who you feel you are now. This is constructive in your life because it will help you get out of the despair of self-attack when we’ve lost our self-esteem because of a major problem in our relationships.
I had a friend long ago who was cheated on by her boyfriend which messed her up. She lost trust in others, herself, stopped eating, had no energy to do her normal sports, didn’t do her work, she collapsed. All the signs of depression and low self-esteem took over her life and face. She let me know how worthless she was, how she wasn’t worth anyone’s love, that others were right and that she was a whore and garbage. Sex, love and self-worth were all ruined.
After fighting with her and trying to tell her that she’s not worthless, denying her emotional pain, I just sat with her in that pain for months. We talked a lot and while talking we both discovered that believing she was always going to be unlovable was her nurturing the negative ideas about herself. It nurtured the feelings that the infidelity conjured to her life. She acknowledged her pain, the hurt, the past hurt this break up and infidelity brought up and slowly worked towards creating the person she was and wanted to be. This took her out of her severe depression, she gained her self-respect back and went on to grab the world by the neck and is successful in her love and career.
Create is an important word in the last paragraph that could be easily passed by. To repair self-esteem is to create yourself anew. You’re not throwing everything of yourself away, but creating yourself in the better image that you want to be. It takes time to figure out that better image, it’s even harder to know how to even think about that better image and all its qualities. Then you have to figure out what the steps are to take to get to that better image, but when you’re in this fight you’re alive and living instead of dead, murdered by a past lover…missing out on the right love.
Thanks for reading my article and I hope it was helpful for you or someone you know. If it was helpful, share and follow me here at AdamAyala.org & on Facebook. I write blogs weekly on relationships and how to get yourself healthy for love. Take care and keep asking the right questions about your love life.