Ever woken up and suddenly faced the undelightful surprise of the woman you are laying next to? This woman you were so attracted to and really enjoyed being with, is a stranger who you have no clue on why you’re even with them.
This case usually happens when a man chooses to be in a long term relationship or marriage when he is in his early to mid 20’s. The part of his brain, the frontal lobe, that exercises our judgment of the future hasn’t fully developed when he made this decision. He also had no real idea what he wanted and who he was in his 20’s. He thought he knew, but his wishes and desires were the wishes and desires of others, not his.
The way to not do this is to understand what attracts you to certain women while at the same time creating yourself as an individual so what you discover in yourself is stable enough to be useful in your life. What genuinely attracts you to a woman at 18, 25, 30 and 36 will be very different.
Listen men, we don’t really start to know what we want until we’re around age 30, unless you’ve done the uncommon, hard work of understanding your automated desires throughout your 20s. Doing this will help you choose the right partner for the goals and future you want in your life. If you’re already in a relationship, doing this will help you understand if the woman you are with can meet these goals, if the relationship is any good, if you’re any good for her and how you can act constructively with the new knowledge you know.
You made the error when you were young and you are responsible to fix what is not working in your life. Putting your head in the sand just causes unnecessary suffering.
Romance is Suffering
Romance is Suffering if you haven’t taken the time to understand the automated mentalities you suffer from. Most of us know how to drive, but we have no idea how the engine works. If we don’t have even just enough knowledge of how an engine works, we won’t even know that we have to maintain it. And when we know a little about how an engine works, we will know we have to maintain it, but we won’t know what to do to maintain it properly. Here at Orlando Speed World Dragway, I watched a man put oil where his coolant would go in his brand new Camaro SS. My heart broke for the car…then for the man. Men, we can love our cars so fiercely and do dumb things like this and our relationships with women are no exceptions.
And this is what the best of us are doing when we are trying to understand our own automated beliefs we are suffering from when it comes to our romantic relationships. We are dumping oil where the coolant is supposed to be and then we wonder why we break down after each relationship. Making the same errors in our relationships with our women and with our cars won’t solve any problems.
One type of couple I see dumping oil in improper places are the introverts who get with extroverts. Many introverted men will get with an extroverted woman because they actually do work pretty well together. His stability balances out her high energy to create direction and her high energy inspires him to go out and do, be and live. It’s actually very beautiful.
But, this is how the relationship starts off. This relationship breaks down when it isn’t maintained and the liveliness that once made her so attractive and inspiring becomes annoying nagging as his stability which was so endearing and gave her such feelings of security and direction make him a boring man. Desire was not Negotiated between the two of them.
Your Automated Beliefs that Destroy Your Relationships
There is an automated belief I see in men that destroy them early on in their life that they can’t usually let go of. This beliefs become part of your automated beliefs which control your behavior with yourself and with women.
Soul Mate Myth
I…I feel such a pain when I hear a man say that his wife is his “Boss” or “Happy Wife Happy Life” or that she is my “Better Half” or that she “Completes Me” or that “Masculinity is Toxic”. Let’s break down the automated mentality of the Soul Mate Myth.
Your Wife Has Become Your Mother
Men, if you run on this automated belief, you found yourself a wife to be your mother without really knowing it. What other woman did you have to ask if you could go out with your friends? What other woman gave you rules and instructions on when you had to be home and what responsibilities you had to do before or after you went out? What other woman told you that you couldn’t do what you wanted to do because you had other responsibilities that came before having fun? What other woman rewarded you (Maybe? Sometimes?) for doing what you were supposed to and punished you when you really messed up.
Freud was right about this. If you had a mother who was severely demanding, you’re going to automatically and unknowingly find a wife who is demanding even though in your conscious mind you were really looking for that “sweet” woman.
“I’ll never be with a woman who is like my mother!”
Good luck with that if you haven’t put in the work to not be a slave to your automated beliefs. You will run to the first woman who is your mother.
Part of this is that men and women have Game. Women’s baseline game is much more complex than men’s base game. Women understand social cues much more than men in general and can be what you want without telling them. Women generally know what they want and in what timeline more naturally and more quickly than men do.
This part of their game isn’t malicious or even intentional, this is part of their automated beliefs. A woman who is demanding will be very assertive and attract a man who had a demanding mother because he’s looking for a woman who can, “Push and support him without being demanding.” The line between being supportive and demanding is so thin that if the two individuals aren’t constantly working on themselves and aware of their own destructive automated beliefs, support will quickly become unbearable demands.
This man will pull out the demanding nature from a supportive woman because he is doomed to repeat and perpetuate his past relationship with his mother with new women he is attached to. You thought I was going to let you blame women’s game on women? Nope, it’s on you men to be assertive, decisive and identify the intersexual dynamics and what is going on in between you and the woman you are with are looking to be with to find if she is the woman you can have a complimentary and constructive relationship with.
What to Do About Your Automated Beliefs
The only way to get around this is through getting some hard insight into how you function within yourself and with women. But, don’t fret.
- You don’t have to be a slave to these automated beliefs, unless you want to be.
- These automated beliefs are actually good beliefs that are taken a few steps too far.
The man who finds his mother didn’t consciously go out into the world to find his exact mother. He went to find a woman who would support him without being unnecessarily cruel which is a very good idea and would 100% be great for his, her and his future kids life. If you’re a slave to your automated beliefs because you have no understanding of how you automatically function, then you will find what you are automatically looking for, not what you think you are looking for.
If you’re looking to not repeat the same relationships over and over again with women and have better sex, more sex and have a solid relationship with a woman you can make a life with Make Your Investment in becoming a High Value Man
If you’ve looked at older men who have been slaughtered by broken relationships and marriages and want to make sure you don’t continue to live with these automated desires that got those men in that place Make Your Investment in becoming a High Value Man