There isn’t enough relevant information out there regarding how a man can attract the right lover for his life. There are more YouTube videos on watching paint dry than there are on understanding how men and women can have a long-term relationship that is satisfying. There are definitely videos out there, but they are categorized in a way that isn’t really helpful.
Our culture in general speaks a lot about romance. We see this on television and social media and in movies. Depending on your age and taste in television you probably either saw Ross from Friends or Doug from King of Queens (or any of a number of other shows). Think of the shows you watch and really start to analyze the messages they portray to you.
Ross from Friends was indecisive, lacked confidence, was ever changing in his goals, obsessive, undisciplined, and had no foresight–but his character was touted as such a great guy. Doug from King of Queens was the dumb, fat husband of a beautiful and sassy New Yorker woman who made more money than him. Doug was a simpleton.
Today we can see that these men were “Blue Pill”–very indecisive men who had no back bone. They were in relationships to meet their emotional needs and not to become better men or to create a relationship with a woman they could be a complement to and vice versa. They were looking for women to complete them (a Soulmate Myth Dynamic).
I’m picking on these two shows from the 90’s because they were the starting forces for what we see so often today. It’s good to look back to understand today.
Psychology is big into “Communication.” If you just communicate with each other everything will be fine! This isn’t inherently wrong, but I’ve seen this practiced and preached in ways that are destructive to relationships.
Too many times as a psychotherapist and practicing psychoanalyst, I’ve seen those in psychology ignore the ways men communicate in favor of how women communicate. In practice, men are told and taught to only communicate how their spouses do–without their spouses understanding how they communicate through their masculinity. If both aren’t understanding the feminine and the masculine ways of communicating, there will be a destructive outcome to any couple’s counseling session.
Then we have the Manosphere. The MGTOWs (Men Gone Their Own Way) have left women and relationships and have resorted to having sex with sex dolls exclusively. This seems to be an unhealthy reaction to real traumas they’ve endured from High Drama Women. They’ve given up on having relationships with women in the same way agoraphobics stay inside their homes at all cost because the world is just too dangerous.
Red Pill men are those who work on understanding the intersexual dynamics between men (Beta and Alpha) and hypergamic women. They fall back on the principle that there is no way to negotiate desire. They also point out that Blue Pill men are those who are compromising themselves for the sake of the woman’s frame, which is detrimental to men.
The Purple Pills are somewhere in between the Blue and Red Pills. They have some understanding of intersexual dynamics between males and females but believe you can still have a very deep and fantastic relationship with a woman.
Then we have Psychoanalysis: the oldest, most complicated, and most secret of all of these. From the onset of Freud to the great psychoanalysts of today, there are some core principles when it comes to relationships.
It doesn’t matter if you’re in Orlando, Florida; London, England; or Dubai. You have to mentally mature as a man so you stop repeating the same mistakes in your life and romantic relationships. You need to recognize how little you know so you stay curious; this fosters perpetual growth. If you can start to do these two things, you can negotiate your own and your lover’s desires in order to create a life of health, wealth, happiness, lust, passion, desire, and stability.
Let’s begin the talk about what it means to Negotiate Desire.