Work: How to Think as and Be a Successful Man
I will always bring you gentlemen back to the mentalities that will create a High Value man within yourself which will help you attract, maintain and evolve a sexually satisfying and value driven Long-Term relationship or marriage with a High Value Woman. We have to examine your work situation and the mentalities behind your work first.
You’re going to discover 6 important steps and mentalities in becoming a High Value Man.
- Discover how the work you do is either making or breaking you and if you should move onto a career.
- Discover the mentalities you will gain from having a career.
- Discover if you have the mentality of confidence that is necessary if you want to be a High Value Man.
- Discover if you are an Anti-Fragile man and if not, what to do about it.
- Discover how the mentality of fear is devastating your life
- Discover how to discriminate between High Values and High Drama women.
Transitioning from Work to Career
For a man to be truly satisfied, he doesn’t just need a job, but a job that makes him truly satisfied. I remember being a teenager not knowing what I was going to do with my life. Maybe become a racecar driver? I don’t feel like crashing and traveling so much for work. Go work as a trash guy? They do get good benefits and there will always be work, but that smell though. I decided on higher education through much coaching in that direction from others.
Many degrees, years of practice, speeches and concentrated expertise on hidden mentalities that destroy or strengthen relationships later and I came to realize that the work I do now with men directly impacts my satisfaction with my life.
I am satisfied and find great joy working with men so they can become men themselves and find the satisfactory and value driven life and gain the mentalities that make them high value men who can live with a high value women and create a life with them. A lot of work has to be done because most of us were raised in broken homes of single parent homes or in a home with a father who never taught us how to be a man. But, what else are you doing as a man if you’re not working?
You need to find good work as a man for yourself. Surprisingly, much of the beginning work I do with men who are on my couch is the work of finding a new career. This makes sense for us men. We feel defined by our work or lack of work. When that gets settled, then the work on our inner mentalities gets worked on in the office.
I’ve had career burger flippers becoming general managers at restaurants because they discovered they had a drive for that and they excel and have created their value driven life through this. I have real estate agents becoming surgeons because they knew that they went into real estate because of the wishes of others (mostly his mother who wanted him to get a job so he could marry young and get her grand kids asap) but found that a good career that makes you a lot of money can so quickly fall away from you at the market’s whim. I’ve had young men in their 20’s become entrepreneurs due to their unwillingness to work for anyone else. His therapist told him that he had oppositional defiant disorder. Working with me as a psychoanalyst we found that he was driven to be his own boss, not a follower.
This answered a question for these men. They questioned if they were being destroyed by their work and they were. Some of them took a pay cut for quite some time and it felt like an irrational move. None of them regretted it long-term because they started invested in being confident men who were working towards values they had instead of investing in their mentality of fear that was keeping them back.
What You Will Gain from Having a Career
What comes from men working a job that satisfied them and makes them enough money, enough money, is that they gain the mentality of living for something larger than themselves.
Men, throughout our lives we will slum through every garbage job to make ends meet. A lot of the time these jobs don’t even give us the ability to make ends meet. As narcissistic as we are, most of us aren’t driven enough to do the slum work just for ourselves. This would go against our biology and neurology as social creatures unless you’re a sociopath.
We become better men when we work for something larger than us, after we have a rational understanding of who “you” are. If you work for something “larger than you” without understanding who “you” are then you will work for the sake of a group or company, but that’s not personal enough.
Us men really strive when we are working for the greater good with ourselves as the focal point. This allows our family and careers that we are building to come from the foundation of our own well thought out values.
Men, this is where we go wrong much of the time. We will find a woman who does not have compatible values with us and all of that work, all of that good work and all of that belief will collapse on us in a divorce which drives so many of us to suicide.
This is when we go too far into working for the greater good and forget to keep yourself as the focal point. When you don’t keep yourself as the focal point you start compromising your values and letting others take over your life, mind, time and body. You’re not someone else’s plow horse.
It’s the plight of a High Value man. The more our brain develops, not fully developing until our late 20’s, and as we become financially stable in our mid 30’s, the wrong women will come around for you. Well, they’ve been coming around you for quite some time, but especially when you have reached and are reaching your peak at this stage of your life.
Discriminating Between High Value & High Drama Women
When you have that good job that satisfies you and doesn’t kill you every day to go to, you will have the mental and physical resources to discriminate between High Value and High Drama women.
There are women who will value you and will run the race with you, with her own intentions of getting what she wants which is fine and natural. She is no angel, not a unicorn, not a safety net who will unconditionally love you, but if your values match up enough you have the best chance at making the life you want.
She will be that wife who doesn’t bend to your will and who doesn’t make you bend to her will. The relationship will be two self-sufficient, but messed up, individuals who complement each-others life, who both play the game to keep the passion alive between you two and cooperatively work together for the rest of your lives through commonly shared goals and values.
But, there are also women who only value what they can get from you and will wait for you at the finish line to narcissistically take from you what she wants and values in life. She wants the car and will take a new car from you even though she’s not interested in you or a relationship. This is not the woman you can build something bigger than yourself with with you as your mental focal point. She doesn’t hold that same value as you do. She just wants you to build her bigger than she really is. She’s a consuming zombie who is never satisfied.
If a woman pulls you away from good family and friends, this is a red flag. If she tries to consume too much of your time and resources, this is a red flag. If she tries to make herself the focal point of your life, this is a red flag which tells you about her mentalities.
Confidence & Anti-Fragility: Mentalities of a High Value Man
When I work on my Mustang and spend time putting myself under the pressure of learning how to do something new to it I am satisfied when it restarts and runs better than when I first started. It’s a deep and profound experience for me because I’m striving for something greater that is outside of me. It’s a long-term goal for me to have my Fox Body pristine and stomping every car out there in Orlando.
But, I’ve had that car for 13 years and that car is not where I thought it would be. It feels as if my days are really long, but the decade went by so quickly. This is what happens to us men. We work hard daily, and the years go by and we’re not nearly where we thought we should be. We then discover that we were working hard on the wrong things.
Men need to have confidence and we build our confidence little by little, but we end up forgetting to do this at all.
We hit puberty and the gates open us up to the world and we realize we are cripples. Even before that we experience society splitting men into bad and women into good. We hear all the time that men are stupid, toxic losers.
It’s difficult to grow that self-confidence and the only way to gain self-confidence is by developing something and watching it grow and seeing how your direct actions have influence on the world and change the world for the better.
You can start by focusing on yourself. Look at yourself and see what you can improve. Start making those changes such as lifting weights and getting healthy. That’s the first step.
Then you get smart. Read the right books, surround yourself with men who are ahead of you in life and learn from them and get professional help with the destructive mentalities you have that are driving you to devastation in your life.
Men also need to be anti-fragile. Systems when exposed to constant pressure tend to become stronger and more robust. Those who lack consistent pressure becomes weaker. Men, you become weaker from the lack of pressure in your life. The more you pressure yourself to learn and mature, the stronger you become. This is why participation trophies have severely crippled a generation. They cannot handle pressure which motivates those who use is. Pressure just destroys them.
Decide what you want to accomplish, your goals, your values and create and look for that pressure to make you stronger. You’re going to mess up and crack under pressure, but you can get back up and keep going. The great thing about crashing and being in pain is that you get to restart with the knowledge you gained on the way to that crash. You will realize that what you lost was not so great and now you have the space to create something of value. In the moment the crash will hurt, but there is no end of the world for you until you die. Everything can be managed and solved to become a great success.
Mentality of a Low Value Man
Fear drives too many of us men. You’re afraid of failing or looking foolish. It’s inevitable that you will look foolish as you can gain and accomplish your values and goals.
Unemployment and lack of opportunity has really destroyed men. Blue collar work is gone. You men, the driving men of our economy, have nothing to do. We can’t rely on factory jobs anymore and minimum wage jobs won’t get you what you need even at $15 an hour. You need a support system that’ll push you to get a career so you have the physical and mental resources to develop the mentalities of a High Value man. You don’t have to go to school for 14 years to become a surgeon, but there are careers out there that you can do.
Address the problems you are facing and don’t deny what you lack. Face your problems that are in your face. Then work within yourself to solve your problems and reach out to other High Value Men to help you solve those problems and get the professional help that will drive you towards the life you need.
What is stopping you from investing in yourself? Where you spend your time and money shows you what you value.
It’s difficult to become a High-Value Lover who can tolerate these intense feelings, but we don’t have to give up. There are solutions out there to the many problems we have in our relationships. My 4-Step Solution on How to Not Argue with your Lover will teach you what words to avoid and what to be thinking to avoid an argument or when an argument has started so you can continue to live in a way that is fulfilling to your lives.
Modern Psychoanalytical Relationship Specialist